


Have I Told You Lately That I Love You

by Agent_Carter_1920



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, I cried writing it, I'm Sorry, Song: Have I Told You Lately That I Love You, This Is Sad, its like the saddest thing i've ever written, like really sad, you will probably cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_Carter_1920/pseuds/Agent_Carter_1920
Summary: Have I told you lately that I love youHave I told you there's no one else above youYou fill my heart with gladnessTake away all my sadnessEase my troubles, that's what you do(40s Bucky x Reader)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 16





	Have I Told You Lately That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> The song is called Have I Told You Lately That I Love You, by Scotty Wiseman.  
> The song is from a film that came out in 1944, so it wouldn't have actually been around before Bucky got shipped out, but I just really wanted to use it.
> 
> Please leave a comment/kudos, they really mean a lot ;D
> 
> Any spelling/grammar errors are my own.

_“C’mon and dance with me!”_ Bucky would laugh, pulling me to my feet. I would take his hands and Steve would turn on the radio for us. It was an everyday thing – Bucky and I would dance in the living room of the apartment till our feet hurt, usually finishing up in a crumpled heap on the sofa, laughing until tears ran down your cheeks. I loved to dance – Steve wasn’t much of a dancer, but if I begged him hard enough, he’d give it a go. As we were almost the same height, it was great fun. But because of Steve’s asthma, he could never go very long without needing a break, and fast-paced songs exhausted him. Bucky, however, was quite the dancer. He loved dancing just as much as me, if not more. He was strong enough to lift me up and twirl me around, rarely messed up his footwork and was always teaching me new moves. Bucky loved to take me out to dance halls whenever he could, to show off our skill to the world. While the two of us danced, Steve would sit and sketch us, talented fingers flying over the paper.

Every time I danced with Bucky I could feel myself falling more in love with him. At first, I rejected the idea of falling in love with one of my best friends, but what I hadn’t realised was that Bucky was falling for me at the same time. I loved the way that he looked at me while we danced, his blue-grey eyes sparkling and a smile that never left his lips – a memory I would hold onto forever.

Until one day he didn’t smile when he returned home from work. It was late, and Steve had already turned in for the night. But as always, I waited for him in the living room, with the radio on in the background and a jumper I was knitting for Steve. When he finally entered the apartment, he could hardly look up from the ground and I instantly knew that something was wrong. He was holding some official-looking pieces of paper in his hand, but before I could ask him what they were, he had kicked off his shoes and made his way over to me, taking my hands and pulling me up off my chair. I stayed quiet and watched him carefully, but he looked up at the ceiling, not daring to look into my eyes as he lead me to our dancing spot.

However, instead of taking one of my hands and resting the other on his waist like he normally did, Bucky placed both of his hands gently on my hips and pulled me close to him.

“What’s wrong, James?” I whispered, swaying gently with him.

Bucky looked down; his bottom lip captured between his teeth before speaking. “I got somethin’ to tell ya.” He mumbled.

“Anythin’, James.” I murmured to him, lifting a hand off his collarbone to stroke his cheek. He leaned into my touch almost desperately, looking straight into my eyes before carefully unfolding the paper he was holding behind my back. He handed the torn envelope to me, and I took it gently, glancing up at him before opening it. Bucky’s hands folded on the small of my back as my eyes scanned the letter he had received. The shock hit me hard, and I froze up, holding the letter numbly in my hands. Bucky leaned his forehead against mine, looking down at the letter with me. A small drop of water lands on the paper, and I realised that I was crying. I looked up at Bucky at the same time that he looked up at me. Bucky’s forehead wrinkled, and his eyebrows furrowed, blue-grey eyes glassy as he watched me cry. His lips curled and trembled, and soon enough a small sob of his own escaped them.

I threw my arms around his neck, around my poor soldier. He’d been drafted; he was to be sent away to fight in the war. Bucky’s arms grasped my back, a hand tangling in my hair while the other wrapped tight around my waist. I clung to Bucky desperately, burrowing my face in his neck and wetting his shirt with my tears. The two of us just held each other, barely swaying to the slow song on the radio. Bucky’s chin found its way to my tear-soaked shoulder, and his arms were still locked around my waist, his hands trembling as they cupped the small of my back.

He was _terrified._

I could hear it in the way that he breathed in unsteady sighs, in the way his skin still tremored no matter how slow or soothing the music was. I could feel it in the way he held me, clinging onto me as if he might fall apart if he let go. That night, I led Bucky into a gentle, swaying dance, letting him nuzzle his face into my neck. I had no idea how we would get through this. My best friend, the love of my life, was being sent away, and there was a possibility that he would never come back.

After that day, everything seemed to go by much quicker. Steve and I tried to spend as much time as we could with Bucky, but he was training in Jersey most of the time, and the train fare there and back again was expensive. When he was home, dancing in the evening was never as cheery as it had used to be. Bucky was always so tired, and I was often so upset that I could hardly even sway to a song.

Soon the time came; Bucky came home in his brand-new uniform, Sergeant James Barnes, being shipped out to England the next day. That evening, Bucky took Steve and I out to “see the future”, or in other words, the Stark Expo.

Bucky pulled me out onto the dance floor later that night, smiling at me. He took my hands and positioned them, touching my skin delicately. The music was loud and upbeat, and I found myself laughing with Bucky, twirling around in his arms like I always used to.

Everything was how it should be. Bucky’s hands fitted perfectly on my waist, picking me up and spinning me around occasionally. Most of the time, he would lead the dance, but he allowed me to take over a few times, dipping his head and grinning sweetly as I held his large hands in my smaller ones. A slower song came on, and Bucky held me close to him, swaying softly to the music. He gazed at me adoringly, and it was only when I started to giggle that he realised that he was staring.

“What is it, Bucky? You see somethin’ you like?” I teased, smoothing out the collar of his uniform.

“It’s you, darlin’…you look beautiful.”

I felt myself blush, and looked down, smiling. “Thank you.” After what felt like hours, the two of us stepped off the dance floor to go and find Steve. We found him soon enough, and I let Bucky talk to him alone, knowing that it was his last night, and wanting to give him some privacy to say his goodbyes.

Bucky returned to my side alone, and together we walked home, enjoying the little time we had left together. Bucky held my hand, and I leant my head against his shoulder as we walked. His uniform jacket hung around my shoulders as we walked slowly down the lamp-lit streets. We arrived at the apartment together, each staying quiet. Bucky awkwardly dropped my hand when we reached the door, shyly smiling at me in the dim light.

“I, uh, I had a great time with you, Y/N.” Bucky admitted, and I felt myself blush a little. I had tried all this time to push back my feelings. Maybe it was because I just didn’t accept them, or that I was afraid of being rejected. But I could feel the butterflies swirling in the pit of my stomach, and the electricity in my fingertips every time we touched. I couldn’t help falling in love with Bucky.

After a while, Steve returned from the fair and went straight to his room. I had changed into my nightclothes, and now I lay resting on the sofa in the living room. I was seemingly the only one awake. Both boys had gone to bed but for some reason, I couldn’t – my mind was much too awake. I was busy with the thought of Bucky leaving, and the fact that he might never come back. I didn’t stop the few silent tears that slid down my cheeks – in fact, I didn’t really notice that I was crying.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Bucky enter the room and quietly walk over to the record player and put a record on, turning the volume down a little. He walked over to me and wordlessly offered his hand to me, his eyes shiny with tears. I took his hand and let him lead me out to the middle of the room.

_Have I told you lately that I love you_ _  
Have I told you there's no one else above you_

My heart broke as Bucky placed his shaking hands on my waist, letting his forehead rest against mine. I closed my eyes and listened to the music, swaying gently.

_You fill my heart with gladness_ _  
Take away all my sadness  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do_

Bucky slowly twirled me around, making me smile through the overwhelming wave of emotions washing over me. I pressed back against him when the spin was completed, resting my hands on his shoulders.

_For the morning sun and all its glory_ _  
Greets the day with hope and comfort, too  
You fill my life with laughter  
And somehow, you make it better  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do_

Bucky murmured the lyrics softly and my eyebrows furrowed. I willed myself not to cry and held Bucky’s hand as he led the dance.

_There's a love that's divine_ _  
And it's yours and it's mine  
Like the sun  
And at the end of the day  
We should give thanks and pray  
To the one, to the one_

Bucky took both of my hands in his and intertwined our fingers. I opened my eyes to look up at him and noticed his bottom lip quivering. A tear rolled down my cheek, but Bucky raised a finger and stopped it gently, wiping it way as he continued to sing.

_Have I told you lately that I love you_ _  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
You fill my heart with gladness  
Take away all my sadness  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do_

I leant into his touch, crying quietly. My heart broke at the cracks in his voice. He was crying too, and in turn I wiped his tears away.

_There's a love that's divine_ _  
And it's yours and it's mine  
Like the sun  
And at the end of the day  
We should give thanks and pray  
To the one, to the one_

The song continued, but both of us stayed silent, movement ceased. Our foreheads touched, and we held onto one another tightly. My heart ached – why did he have to leave?

“Y/N.” Bucky’s voice cracked as he spoke. “Y/N, doll, I have to tell ya somethin’”

“Anything.” I murmured sadly, letting him take my hand tightly in his. It reminded me of the day when he told me he’d been drafted. But surely, I thought, anything that he had to say would be better than that.

“I know I shoulda told ya earlier, and I know it’s too damm late now, but you have to know that I love you.” Bucky rambled desperately. He started to cry in earnest, tears running down his cheeks, and I held onto him even tighter. “I been in love with ya for a long, long time. I shoulda told ya. I know I waited too long, an’ I’m sorry, but I just-“

“James” I cut him off, a sad smile on my lips as I cupped his face in my hands and wiped away his tears with my thumbs. “I love you too.”

“Doll, you gotta understand I mean it. An’ I mean it so much more than just friends.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

Bucky rested his forehead against mine again. The song was coming to an end.

_And have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
You fill my heart with gladness  
Take away all my sadness  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do_

_Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do  
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do_

“I don’t want to wait any longer. I can’t. So can I kiss you?” Bucky asked, his voice still trembling.

“Yes.” I whispered. Bucky tilted his chin forward and our lips met. The kiss was slow and deep, and so full of love I felt as if my heart could burst. The tears we had shed tasted salty on my lips, and I held onto him as if letting go would mean losing him forever.

“I shoulda told you before.” Bucky cried quietly, pulling away. I held his head in my hands as he gripped my hips close to his body. I placed my lips softly against his forehead.

“It’s okay, James. Even a short time is better than no time at all.” The next few moments wee spent holding each other, and when I finally decided it would be best to go to bed, Bucky took my hand, led me to his room, and tugged me down onto his bed next to him. His arms wrapped tightly around my body, holding me as close to him as possible. I lay my head on top of his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. His fingers tangled their way into my hair, and I draped my arm across his stomach. I tried my hardest to forget about the fact that he’d be leaving early the next morning and instead focus on the sound of his breathing. Ignoring it, however, did not change the fact that it was going to happen, and a few tears escaped my eyes before I closed them for the final time that night. That was the last time ever I saw him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve stood next to me and put an arm gently round my shoulders, as we watched the empty coffin being lowered into the ground. Silent tears poured down my cheeks, as I thought of him, so full of life, lying dead in the Austrian Alps. People came up to me to give their condolences and say their goodbyes, but I barely heard any of it. I just stood and stared at his grave, wishing that he was here beside me. A few drops of water fell from the sky, and it began to rain, as if the sky was crying too, and sharing in my grief.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you're a little confused by the past tense, the Reader told the whole story at Bucky's funeral (kinda like a eulogy).
> 
> Because I wrote the whole thing and then decided 'you know what, I don't think it's sad enough yet', changed the tense of the whole fic and added the scene at the end.
> 
> I'm sorry if I broke your heart :(


End file.
